On
Turning 60 Part 1
May 18 2014
I would
like to begin this morning’s message with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. His
advice to greenhorn ministers in 1838 still inspires those of us who stand
behind the podium today, and I adapt it for my gender: “The true preacher can
be known by this, that she deals out to the people her life—life passed through
the fire of thought.” Today’s sermon may seem to be simply a reflection about
my age, but it has a point, and that is to set the scene for another 60th
birthday later this summer – ours as the Unitarian Universalist Church of
Augusta!
I
participate in a monthly teleconference that is part of a UUA program, Beyond
the Call, in which ministers from across the country in small groups explore
and discuss worship. This week, one of my colleagues talked about the
difference between anxiety and vulnerability, when it comes to sharing our
personal - and possibly pastoral - stories with the congregation.
Seeing as
how I’m reflecting on getting older, this remark made me think about how I
approach talking about my age. Probably above all else, I usually think
carefully about words I’m using, and today is no exception – and so I felt I
should mention that the proper term for a person between 60 and 69 years of age is sexagenarian.
Now this may sound like being 60 is a lot of fun, but I think it’s a truism that when you’re 60 you can live without sex, but
not without glasses.
There are other
things about turning 60 that are amusing, I hear: You get into heated arguments
about pension plans. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the
national weather service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they
can't remember them either. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
To make me feel
like I am not alone in celebrating this milestone, I looked to see if any famous
women are turning 60 this year – and of course, the most famous media female icon of all,
Oprah Winfrey, is one of the celebrities turning 60 this year. She claims she’s never felt better.
In fact she says “I approach this milestone, the landmark of 60, with humility,
supreme thanksgiving, and joy.”
But
other famous people have commented on being 60, and it’s not all good:
When
I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. - Mark
Twain
Age
is a high price to pay for maturity. - Tom Stoppard
My
favorite, though, comes from Oscar Wilde: To get back my youth I would do
anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
I
was looking for advice on how to handle turning 60, and one website said “Find a hair cut that suits your
face.
It is a golden rule that shorter hair suits older ladies”….so that explains my
new hairstyle this week.
A
lot of literature about growing older suggests that I’m at a stage when I can
be less cautious about what I do or say – for example, Jenny Joseph’s poem,
“Warning”:
When
I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With
a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And
I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And
satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I
shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And
gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And
run my stick along the public railings
And
make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I
shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And
pick flowers in other people's gardens
And
learn to spit.
You
can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And
eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or
only bread and pickle for a week
And
hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But
now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And
pay our rent and not swear in the street
And
set a good example for the children.
We
must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But
maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So
people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When
suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
I
like this idea of giving yourself permission, after a lifetime of asking or
waiting for it. This is also the delicious twist of what writer Ian Martin’s advises on turning 60: Before you say
anything nasty about someone, just pause for a second… and browse
through some really good adjectives in your head. Sounds like turning
60 is going to be fun!
I
know that many have transitioned before me this year in becoming 60 – including
my husband, who is much older than I am – he turned 60 in January. But I’m
impressed by this number: in 2006 76 million people, know as the Baby Boomer
generation, began turning 60. This phenomenon caused the coining of a new
phrase: The Silver Tsunami. And the person who came up with the phrase, Mary
Finn Maples, looked at the characteristics of this generation as it ages, and
one of her observations was that “Baby-Boomers (the Silver Tsunami) hold worldviews vastly
different [from the previous generation], because they were raised in a country
at relative peace and have not been exposed to a global war.
Moreover,
these worldviews have encouraged them to expand their attention to their own
spirituality, allowing them to focus as well on their physical, emotional,
mental and financial health.” From her research, Maples compiled hundreds of
definitions of spirituality from interviews with her subjects, and this is her
resulting description of Baby Boomer spirituality: that intangible essence that brings and maintains meaning
in one’s life. It is larger and more encompassing than religion, though
religion can be seen by choice as an aspect of spirituality.
When
dealing with Boomers in a pastoral or counseling context, Maples suggests that
there are several positive abilities that can help them cope with aging:
•
equanimity – the ability to balance spiritual and
wellness perspectives and experiences
•
perseverance – developing the self-drive to keep
going, accept and meet the challenges of reconstructing one’s life when one has
experienced physical, emotional or spiritual adversity
•
self-reliance –believing in oneself, especially
following the loss of spouse or partner. The ability to grow spiritually when
one is now alone after a number of years in a partnership.
•
emotional
aloneness –
allowing wanted aloneness but also reaching out to others, at the appropriate
time.
•
meaningfulness – life satisfaction comes from
spirituality or making meaning out of goals, aspirations, future thinking,
physical exercise and experiences.
I’ve
certainly gained life satisfaction, and one way, that comes with growing older,
is becoming a grandparent.
Writer
Ian Martin says that “Grandparenthood is a beautiful revelation. You have kids,
you know you will never experience that feeling of unconditional love for
anyone else, ever, and then it happens all over again. A heart-stoppingly
beautiful miracle.”
At
the other end of the spectrum from grandkids, the two elders of our family,
Wil’s dad and my mom, have both demonstrated to our family their ability to
cope with ageing. Both lost their life partners of many years, a devastating
blow, but resulting for both of them in self-reliance; well, more so for my
mom! My father-in-law decided to remarry, but his faith is very important to
him, and his second wife is a true partner in that sense, enabling him to
reconstruct his life while growing spiritually.
My
mother, as some of you know, moved to St John Towers last year, and is the life
of the party there. You would never guess that she spent over a decade as the
primary caregiver of several members of her family as they grew ill and died.
It could be said that she’s making up for lost time…but I prefer to look at it from
the perspective of Rabbi
Abraham Heschel, who said: “Old age is not a defeat but a victory, not a
punishment but a privilege. One ought to enter old age as one enters the senior
year at a university, in exciting anticipation of consummation.”
There is no
doubt that as I cross the threshold into my senior years, I am, at the same
time, a youngster in my career path. The average age of our freshly minted UU
ministers is the mid-40s, and that is fairly old, I guess you could say. But
when I went to the First-Year ministers workshop in Boston at the end of
February I met a woman who is 88 and in her first year of ministry! Her first
career was as a psychologist, then at 76 she got her law degree…and then found
her calling to the ministry after that.
The fact is, I have no idea where life will take me, no one does. I
don’t feel particularly anxious or vulnerable when talking about turning 60,
because I aim to enjoy each day with whatever it brings, and to use my gifts as
I am able to make this world a better place – and, as a true Universalist might
say, to love the hell out of the world! I believe I’ve found my purpose in
life, and that I’m settled into the journey. No one could express the feeling I
have about my travels like Mary Oliver, and so I’d like to conclude this part
one of my reflection on turning 60 with her poem The Journey.
The Journey
One day
you finally knew
what you
had to do, and began,
though
the voices around you
kept
shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to
tremble
and you
felt the old tug
at your
ankles.
"Mend
my life!"
each voice cried.
But you
didn't stop.
You knew
what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its
stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though
their melancholy
was terrible.
It was
already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches
and stones.
But
little by little,
as you
left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through
the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you
slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper
and deeper
into the
world
determined
to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could
save.
May it be
so, Blessed be, Amen.
Sources:
Ian Martin, 60 Thoughts about Turning 60. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/apr/29/sixty-things-learned-turning-60
Margaret Manning, Sixty and Me.http://sixtyandme.com/famous-women-turning-60-in-2014-and-why-they-should-join-sixty-and-me/
Mary Finn Maples, Spirituality, Wellness and the
“Silver Tsunami”: Implications for Counseling.http://counselingoutfitters.com/vistas/vistas07/Maples.htm
