On Turning 60 Part 1

On Turning 60 Part 1

May 18 2014

I would like to begin this morning’s message with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. His advice to greenhorn ministers in 1838 still inspires those of us who stand behind the podium today, and I adapt it for my gender: “The true preacher can be known by this, that she deals out to the people her life—life passed through the fire of thought.” Today’s sermon may seem to be simply a reflection about my age, but it has a point, and that is to set the scene for another 60^th birthday later this summer – ours as the Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta!

I participate in a monthly teleconference that is part of a UUA program, Beyond the Call, in which ministers from across the country in small groups explore and discuss worship. This week, one of my colleagues talked about the difference between anxiety and vulnerability, when it comes to sharing our personal - and possibly pastoral - stories with the congregation.

Seeing as how I’m reflecting on getting older, this remark made me think about how I approach talking about my age. Probably above all else, I usually think carefully about words I’m using, and today is no exception – and so I felt I should mention that the proper term for a person between 60 and 69 years of age is sexagenarian. Now this may sound like being 60 is a lot of fun, but I think it’s a truism that when you’re 60 you can live without sex, but not without glasses.

There are other things about turning 60 that are amusing, I hear: You get into heated arguments about pension plans. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

To make me feel like I am not alone in celebrating this milestone, I looked to see if any famous women are turning 60 this year – and of course, the most famous media female icon of all, Oprah Winfrey, is one of the celebrities turning 60 this year. She claims she’s never felt better. In fact she says “I approach this milestone, the landmark of 60, with humility, supreme thanksgiving, and joy.”

But other famous people have commented on being 60, and it’s not all good:

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. - Mark Twain

Age is a high price to pay for maturity. - Tom Stoppard

My favorite, though, comes from Oscar Wilde: To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

I was looking for advice on how to handle turning 60, and one website said “Find a hair cut that suits your face. It is a golden rule that shorter hair suits older ladies”….so that explains my new hairstyle this week.

A lot of literature about growing older suggests that I’m at a stage when I can be less cautious about what I do or say – for example, Jenny Joseph’s poem, “Warning”:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple


With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.


And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves


And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.


I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired


And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells


And run my stick along the public railings


And make up for the sobriety of my youth.


I shall go out in my slippers in the rain


And pick flowers in other people's gardens


And learn to spit.



You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat


And eat three pounds of sausages at a go


Or only bread and pickle for a week


And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.



But now we must have clothes that keep us dry


And pay our rent and not swear in the street


And set a good example for the children.


We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.



But maybe I ought to practice a little now?


So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised


When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

I like this idea of giving yourself permission, after a lifetime of asking or waiting for it. This is also the delicious twist of what writer Ian Martin’s advises on turning 60: Before you say anything nasty about someone, just pause for a second… and browse through some really good adjectives in your head. Sounds like turning 60 is going to be fun!

I know that many have transitioned before me this year in becoming 60 – including my husband, who is much older than I am – he turned 60 in January. But I’m impressed by this number: in 2006 76 million people, know as the Baby Boomer generation, began turning 60. This phenomenon caused the coining of a new phrase: The Silver Tsunami. And the person who came up with the phrase, Mary Finn Maples, looked at the characteristics of this generation as it ages, and one of her observations was that “Baby-Boomers (the Silver Tsunami) hold worldviews vastly different [from the previous generation], because they were raised in a country at relative peace and have not been exposed to a global war.

Moreover, these worldviews have encouraged them to expand their attention to their own spirituality, allowing them to focus as well on their physical, emotional, mental and financial health.” From her research, Maples compiled hundreds of definitions of spirituality from interviews with her subjects, and this is her resulting description of Baby Boomer spirituality:  that intangible essence that brings and maintains meaning in one’s life. It is larger and more encompassing than religion, though religion can be seen by choice as an aspect of spirituality.

When dealing with Boomers in a pastoral or counseling context, Maples suggests that there are several positive abilities that can help them cope with aging:

•               equanimity – the ability to balance spiritual and wellness perspectives and experiences

•               perseverance – developing the self-drive to keep going, accept and meet the challenges of reconstructing one’s life when one has experienced physical, emotional or spiritual adversity

•               self-reliance –believing in oneself, especially following the loss of spouse or partner. The ability to grow spiritually when one is now alone after a number of years in a partnership.

•               emotional aloneness – allowing wanted aloneness but also reaching out to others, at the appropriate time.

•               meaningfulness – life satisfaction comes from spirituality or making meaning out of goals, aspirations, future thinking, physical exercise and experiences.

I’ve certainly gained life satisfaction, and one way, that comes with growing older, is becoming a grandparent.

Writer Ian Martin says that “Grandparenthood is a beautiful revelation. You have kids, you know you will never experience that feeling of unconditional love for anyone else, ever, and then it happens all over again. A heart-stoppingly beautiful miracle.”

At the other end of the spectrum from grandkids, the two elders of our family, Wil’s dad and my mom, have both demonstrated to our family their ability to cope with ageing. Both lost their life partners of many years, a devastating blow, but resulting for both of them in self-reliance; well, more so for my mom! My father-in-law decided to remarry, but his faith is very important to him, and his second wife is a true partner in that sense, enabling him to reconstruct his life while growing spiritually.

My mother, as some of you know, moved to St John Towers last year, and is the life of the party there. You would never guess that she spent over a decade as the primary caregiver of several members of her family as they grew ill and died. It could be said that she’s making up for lost time…but I prefer to look at it from the perspective of Rabbi Abraham Heschel, who said: “Old age is not a defeat but a victory, not a punishment but a privilege. One ought to enter old age as one enters the senior year at a university, in exciting anticipation of consummation.”

There is no doubt that as I cross the threshold into my senior years, I am, at the same time, a youngster in my career path. The average age of our freshly minted UU ministers is the mid-40s, and that is fairly old, I guess you could say. But when I went to the First-Year ministers workshop in Boston at the end of February I met a woman who is 88 and in her first year of ministry! Her first career was as a psychologist, then at 76 she got her law degree…and then found her calling to the ministry after that.

The fact is, I have no idea where life will take me, no one does. I don’t feel particularly anxious or vulnerable when talking about turning 60, because I aim to enjoy each day with whatever it brings, and to use my gifts as I am able to make this world a better place – and, as a true Universalist might say, to love the hell out of the world! I believe I’ve found my purpose in life, and that I’m settled into the journey. No one could express the feeling I have about my travels like Mary Oliver, and so I’d like to conclude this part one of my reflection on turning 60 with her poem The Journey.

The Journey

by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew 


what you had to do, and began, 


though the voices around you 


kept shouting 
their bad advice—
though the whole house 


began to tremble 


and you felt the old tug 


at your ankles. 


"Mend my life!" 
each voice cried. 


But you didn't stop. 


You knew what you had to do, 
though the wind pried 


with its stiff fingers 
at the very foundations, 


though their melancholy 
was terrible. 


It was already late 
enough, and a wild night, 
and the road full of fallen 
branches and stones. 


But little by little, 


as you left their voices behind, 
the stars began to burn 


through the sheets of clouds, 
and there was a new voice 


which you slowly 
recognized as your own, 
that kept you company 
as you strode deeper and deeper 


into the world 


determined to do 
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

May it be so, Blessed be, Amen.

Sources:

Ian Martin, 60 Thoughts about Turning 60. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/apr/29/sixty-things-learned-turning-60

Over 60s one-liners. http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_over60.htm

Margaret Manning, Sixty and Me.http://sixtyandme.com/famous-women-turning-60-in-2014-and-why-they-should-join-sixty-and-me/

Matt Dabbs, Rabbi Abraham Heschel on Old Age and Facing Death. http://mattdabbs.com/2009/01/12/rabbi-abraham-heschel-on-old-agefacing-death/

Jenny Joseph, Warning. http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/warning/

Mary Finn Maples, Spirituality, Wellness and the “Silver Tsunami”: Implications for Counseling.http://counselingoutfitters.com/vistas/vistas07/Maples.htm

Gregory M. Lamb, Brown at 60: a civil rights landmark. http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Making-a-difference/Change-Agent/2014/0516/Brown-at-60-a-civil-rights-landmark?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Daily&utm_campaign=20140516_Newsletter%3ADaily_Sailthru&cmpid=ema%3Anws%3ADaily%2520Newsletter%2520%2805-16-2014%29

A Spirit of Generosity

A Spirit of Generosity

Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta

March 2 2014

I want to open my message this morning with a quote from Jewish author Elie Wiesel:

 “Sanctuary is often something very small. Not a grandiose gesture, but a small gesture toward alleviating human suffering and preventing humiliation. Sanctuary is a human being. Sanctuary is a dream. That is why you are here and that is why I am here; we are here because of one another. We are in truth each other’s shelter.” (Buehrens and Parker, A House for Hope, 148)

I became a rebel in the 9^th grade.

Glenn Hills High School in south Augusta in the late 1960s had a dress code, just like most other schools at that time. But times were a’changin, and so was what girls wanted to wear to school. We wanted to wear mini skirts, culottes, and blue jeans.

One day I wore a pair of knee—length culottes, and was sent to the principal’s office. 

It was not allowed. I didn’t understand why, and the authority of the Richmond County Board of Education was not good enough. I became a rebel.

Soon after, the Richmond County board of education held a meeting at which the dress code was on the agenda. I wanted to go with a couple of friends – one of whom circumvented the dress code rules on boys not being allowed to have long hair, by wearing a wig to school. I told my parents that they were coming to pick me up, and my dad said no way. I was not allowed to go. The board of education reaffirmed the dress code at that meeting.

The next year, the protest among us students began to swell across the city throughout the high schools, and soon we were planning a march, from the downtown post office to the Richmond County Board of Education headquarters on Heckle Street.

When it came to telling my parents, well, I knew better by now – and I had my own car! So I told my parents innocently that I was going out with my friend Mike. I drove my 1966 Ford Falcon station wagon down to the post office, and took part in my first protest. Of course, the one thing we failed to consider was that, once we got to the Board of Education building, we would have to walk all the way back to get the car! My feet had blisters and so when we got near to the post office Mike ran ahead and got the car and drove us back home. The next day when I got in the car I realized he’d driven all the way home with the emergency brake on, and it was shot.

But that was nothing compared to the sense of achievement, and the sense of solidarity, that I had. Within the year the dress code was dismantled. Our protest had not been in vain.

Why am I telling this story on the morning we launch our stewardship campaign? 

Because it was the first time I felt a ‘meeting of the minds,’ a common cause which drew diverse people together to fight injustice as we saw it.

But not every one of my protests was supported. I have, as many of you must do, Native American roots through my dad’s biological family. I became aware of this in high school, and aware of how modern-day Native Americans are marginalized in our society. AIM, the American Indian Movement was formed in 1968, and the group carried out protests over issues such as poverty, broken treaties and police harassment. I decided that in solidarity I would not stand every morning in homeroom when we recited the Pledge of Allegiance and saluted the flag. I decided there WAS no liberty and justice for all.

This act of rebellion was noted but not punished…until as a rising senior, I decided to run for Student Council president. I was ready to represent the nonconformists in our senior class while the other candidate was an athlete and a nice guy who was pretty conformist.

I was summoned to the principal’s office where a gang of teachers was waiting for me; they informed me I would not be allowed to run since I was unpatriotic. So the other guy won by default.

As Jane Eyre would say, “Reader, I married him…” yes, my husband Wil was the other candidate, so you could say I won in the end.

But when I was disqualified as a candidate, I was alone; I was not a member of AIM; I had no one to back me up. I could have contacted the ACLU, had I known it even existed. There was no community to feel part of and in which I could seek solace or support. Only years later did I read of other students in other schools who have done the same thing in protest of the inequality they see as pervasive in this country.

What I really needed as a rebellious teenager was the Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta! Four years ago, in March 2010, my aunt Babe died; because my dad was adopted, I never really got to know his biological family, and only met Babe in the last dozen years of her life. By then I was a Ministry Associate here at the UU Church of Augusta. I was asked if I would co-officiate at her funeral service, and there I was introduced to other aunts and cousins I’d never met.

When I was speaking to one of my newfound cousins about being a member of this church, she said to me, “Oh, when I was a teenager I actually went to that church a few times.” All I could think of was, “Why didn’t I know you then? I could have taken a shortcut through all my searching, and I would have found the spiritual home and supportive community I needed then!” I would have had a sanctuary…

Back to Elie Wiesel’s statement about sanctuary: we all, at one time or another, need a sanctuary: “Sanctuary is a human being. Sanctuary is a dream. That is why you are here and that is why I am here; we are here because of one another. We are in truth each other’s shelter.”

You are here this morning because, at some point, you needed a sanctuary. If, like I did eventually, you came to the UU faith tradition and thought it was THE liberating force of your life, then you felt a sense of relief, of inner joy, of gratitude that remains in your heart even today. To be with people who understand your search, who welcome your questions, who don’t judge you, and who support your quest for justice and truth – for me, it was worth the search! My teenage search for justice was not in vain.

Rebecca Ann Parker knows what that means when she says, “The progressive church holds a feast of life spread for all – it is ours to share with any who can find nourishment within our walls.” (Buehrens and Parker, 167) I hope, whether you are a recent member or a veteran UU, that you believe this congregation can nourish your spirit and enrich your life.

But the nourishment of our own selves is only half the story. We seek more, and we ARE more, than individuals going through life on our own. We covenant together, and we work together, to live up to the seven principles that we affirm and promote as UUs.

Again quoting Parker: The mission of progressive faith is to embrace the beauty of diversity and the diversity of beauty…to love one another and this earth as paradise, here and now,…This mission requires each person to answer the question, What will you do with your gifts? And it requires vibrant commitment to life together in community. (Buehrens and Parker, 170)

We already have been given gifts in abundance. In spite of its problems, Mark Ewert writes, “this planet is an incredible gift to us all. It provides sustenance, pleasure, and infinite variety. We are surrounded by this beauty, which is ever-changing and recurring. That is just as unavoidable as suffering, and these two opposites create the great balance of life.”

Our birth is another gift and a “fortunate one from our parents; and we benefit from generations of inventors and designers who make that gift of life easier, more comfortable, and more pleasurable.” Those gifts in turn have made it possible for us to pass on other gifts: “Whatever comforts and security we have created for ourselfves may be a source of joy for us and help us feel more confident in our giving. Each of us has acquired benefits and resources that now can be tapped for our giving.” (Mark Ewert)

We are blessed indeed to have a faith community that has the courage to look outwards instead of remaining inward-looking. At its best, in the words of Jean Vanier, it “encourages us to break open the shell of selfishness and self-centeredness to reveal the seeds of a society where people are honest, truthful and loving.”

We have a mission that is honored when we look outwards. Our mission matters. Our vision for this church, for this community, and for this world, matters…and we need to pass on that vision if our precious faith tradition is to have a future.

The author of The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery, put it this way:

“In a house that becomes a home, one hands down, and another takes up, the heritage of mind and heart...It is needful to transmit the passwords from one generation to another.”

In my mind, one of those passwords should be ‘dream.’ The words of one of my favorite hymns urge us to “Come and go with me to that land”…we can dream of a better land right here on earth. You may not connect figures and statistics with dreams – maybe nightmares! – but this is exactly what your board-cum-stewardship committee is doing this year.

When we think of the UU legacy we are so fortunate to have – the rebels who sometimes gave their lives to ensure freedom of religious expression – we can feel honored to be asked to carry on the flame of our UU values.

If you can feel that this faith community has values and a purpose that you share, then, as so many here in this congregation do, you will commit to living out those values and that purpose in your daily life.

The word 'generous' comes from the Latin for ‘noble, magnanimous’; magnanimous in Latin comes from words magna=great and animus=soul; the Oxford English dictionary defines generous as “freely giving more than is necessary or expected.”

Here’s a poem from Hafiz that illustrates that freedom of giving:

“Even after all this time

the sun never says to the earth, ‘you owe me.’

Look what happens with a love like that!

It lights the whole sky.”

Generosity, then, makes us great souls! What a description to aspire to…and not only that, but the root prefix of generosity, ‘gen,’ means birth, as in generative ‘being capable of production or reproduction.’ We can generate generosity!

Mark Ewert writes about a woman who taught him how to develop the daily practice of generosity that I shared with the children during Time for All Ages. He was speaking with her about a colleague who was not acting on something he needed her to do, and his friend simply asked him, “What is the most generous response you can have to this situation?”

He says that whenever he is faced with a choice he asks himself: What is the most generous response I can make? This question helps him get back to a generous attitude.

And maybe you haven’t thought about the connection between giving and receiving: “Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin; one does not exist without the other. We cannot be a world full of givers if there is no one to accept our gifts.” (ME) 

“Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging.” –Deepak Chopra

Money is about relationships. Margaret Marcuson reminds us that “if we didn’t need to relate to one another, we wouldn’t have money. It was invented by human beings, and we use it with each other. One of the things money symbolizes, for better or for worse, is human connection.”

But when “our self-perception is tied to taking care of ourselves with no help from others, we experience fewer opportunities for accepting the normal give-and-take of care in relationships.

This level of independence can lead to an unreasonable and rigid standard of self- reliance. Those of us who are seniors, for example, may not adjust to our concept of independence as we age, making us unable to adapt to a need for more assistance.” (ME)

When we are gracious about receiving “it is easier to be generous givers. We see more easily what flows to us; we recognize and appreciate the abundance in our lives. When we feel abundant, and recognize the flow as unending, it is easier to give from a place beyond all reason: our values.” (UUA, FORTH Stewardship Education Ideas I) When we give of our wealth to build up this community we are filled with wealth.

Everyone is already generous in his or her own way; “hasn’t there been a time when you cared for someone who was sick, nurtured a young person, or benefitted someone without them knowing it? Maybe you don’t think of yourself as generous because, like all of us, you are sometimes impatient or do not share what you have when you could, or your idea of what constitutes generosity is too grand to reach.” (ME)

Maybe what you need to do is become more intentional about being generous and build upon that strength you already possess. “Every time I take a step in the direction of generosity, I know that I am moving from fear to love.” – Henri J.M. Nouwen

Here’s what I believe about giving: when we make giving a priority, generosity in a closely knit community presents an opportunity for each of us to align our beliefs, loves, and values with what we give in money and time.

Rebecca Parker in her book Blessing the World tells a story about gaining maturity as a giver, a lesson that was taught to her by a congregant during the annual stewardship drive in the Methodist church she served: “I first began to tithe because I was taught to do so by my church, and my church taught me to obey its teachings…I continued to tithe, however, because the people I most loved and admires tithed: my parents and leaders of the religious community whose lives really challenged me by their goodness…but as my faith matured further, I came to my own reason for tithing, because to tithe is to tell the truth about who I am:

I am a person who has something to give. I am a person who has received abundantly from life. I am a person whose presence matters in the world, and I am a person whose life has meaning because I am connected to and care about many things larger than myself. If I did not tithe, I would lose track of these truths about who I am.” (ME)

“The ancient tradition of tithing can be traced back to the nomadic Israelites, who acted out their belief that everything on Earth belonged to Yahweh through the practice of each household giving a tenth of their livestock herds to local religious leaders. This practice eventually included agricultural produce and evolved into a way to encourage obedience to God identified with Israel and the temple.” (ME)

Tithing in this day and age to is support the institution where we come together to live out through fellowship our commitment to its mission. I feel very fortunate to be able to give back to this church by tithing, my Baptist grandparents would be proud of me! My telling you about my pledge may sound like a challenge to you, I am tithing, will you, or in the words of one Minister who unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

But whether or not you tithe or give another regular amount, it is a way of ‘putting skin in the game’ (ME) and of developing a sense of stewardship. No matter what level of donation you make, you receive congregational benefits “in full measure,” the same as any other member.

If you give more of yourself as a volunteer at leadership levels, “then you will have greater influence on the workings of the church. But this is held within the structures and polity of the community itself as we have constituted it, and your giving or withholding of money does not become linked with personal gain. Each of us should feel invited to step forward with our resources according to our ability; this separates what we gain from how much we give and keeps us in right relationship.

Let me be clear about this: Our community prompts us to give in ways that "fuel our own growth of generosity, rather than improving our level of status.” (ME)

In fact, we do have what some people call “angels in the congregation” who are able to give substantial amounts in pledges, but we need to all consider stepping up so that the gap is narrowed. We are grateful for what these major donors do for our church, but we’ve allowed them to carry a big portion of the budget, and to be frank it would put our budget at risk if they were to suddenly not be here anymore. I care enough to lift this up here before you this morning…even though such frank talking reminds me of the minister who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

Some of us don’t like to talk about money, and Mark Ewert says that many of us may find that our thoughts about money are fueled by dominant cultural messages about obtaining comfort, happiness, and security through money.

After all, American culture emphasizes earning and financial status, spending beyond basic needs, and aspiring to various forms of luxury. But he states that “The most culturally challenging action in a consumer society may be to give away money to benefit others, with no reciprocation or personal benefit expected in return.”

And when we do spend money, we are supporting others: our resources have the opportunity to help others – when I get my hair cut, I am helping my hairdresser’s family; when I leave a fair tip at a restaurant, I am making a contribution to the life of that server. We don’t expect any personal benefit from our spending decisions, and as a Roman Catholic nun once observed, “Like prayer, money is everywhere, linking us with one another and bringing something new.”

After a long spiritual journey over more than four decades, I was amazed to find a faith tradition with values like the ones Rebecca Parker lifts up in the reading we heard earlier; when I worship on Sundays, I feel the abundant blessing of belonging to a community that tries to live out those values. And my congregation is where I develop my ability to receive and give.

Quoting the Buddha, Lama Surya Das says,

“Giving brings happiness at every stage of its expression. We experience joy in forming the intention to be generous; we experience joy in the actual act of giving something; and we experience joy in remembering the fact we have given.”

If you feel that you have received care, support, respect, freedom in belonging to this church, if you have ever felt it is a shelter, a sanctuary, then you’ll feel like you’ve received an abundance of nourishment.

Do you see the flow of abundance in your lives? Your generosity can ensure the future of this congregation and its values and its dreams. What might we be called to do together?

We can – with the contribution each of us makes through our time, talent, and treasure – do more than just dream, we can reach our vision of the future, in which we stand as a proud beacon of progressive religious freedom and expression, diversity and radical hospitality for the Augusta area and beyond.

May it be so, blessed be, Amen.

Sources:

Mark Ewert, The Generosity Path, 2013.

Margaret Marcuson, Money and Your Ministry, 2013.

Rebecca Ann Parker and John Buehrens, A House for Hope, 2011.

The Love People

The Love People

February 16 2014

Rev. Dr. Gaye W. Ortiz

Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta

The other week my mother, who lives at St John Towers, called me because she was planning to do an opening devotion for one of the meetings there, and she couldn’t find an article she’d saved about how Valentine’s Day began. So she asked me for help, and I found it on the Internet…and I told her,  “it says that Valentine’s Day was started by Hallmark!”

That wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but most of us might well have believed that after this past Friday. If you wanted to buy a Valentine’s Day card, you had to wade through a slew of over-the-top, slushy, red-heart-covered cards.

You might have been less than impressed with the rhymes, but here are some maybe you missed:

“I’d give up all my savings, My credit card limit too, If it meant that I could get Some interest from you.” http://www.itsbullfrog.com

“Roses are red violets are blue, I love chocolate more than you!”

“I thought that I could love no other

Until, that is, I met your brother.”

“What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.” (funny.com)

There is a Polish proverb that says “The greatest love is a mother’s;

Then comes a dog’s;

Then comes a sweetheart’s.”

We might associate that love for a sweetheart, especially on Valentine’s Day, with one of the six Greek types of love, eros; that’s romantic love, which has an element of desire and sexual passion. Eros is named after the Greek god of fertility. It is the kind of irrational love into which we can fall ‘madly’ – and that apparently scared the Greeks, because that meant a loss of control.

It may surprise you to know that we can find a healthy respect for erotic love and mutual desire in the Bible, as seen in the Song of Solomon, in which, as Marcia Falk says in the Harper’s Bible Commentary, ‘men and women praise each other for their sensuality and their beauty.” Here are just 3 verses from Ch 7:6-9:

How fair and pleasant you are

O loved one, delectable maiden!

You are stately as a palm tree

And your breasts are like its clusters.

I say I will climb the palm tree

And lay hold of its branches.

Oh may your breasts be like

Clusters of the vine,

And the scent of your breath like apples

And your kisses like the best wine

That goes down smoothly

Gliding over lips and teeth. (Song of Sol 7:6-9)

Probably not read in church as much as other verses from the Bible!

The second type of Greek love is still interpersonal in nature; philia is the type of love that is seen in deep friendship and even love for your family, because it involves loyalty and even sacrificing yourself for those you love. It was the type of love that Greek soldiers on the battlefield would develop for each other, as in the term ‘band of brothers.’

The third is ludus, playful affection, the kind of affectionate teasing we have as young children with friends as we play together, or as friends hanging out together.

Pragma is the type of mature love that exists between people who have been together for a long time; an understanding, tolerant, and patient love of the type that psychoanalyst Erich Fromm referred to when he said that “we expend too much energy on ’falling in love’ and need to learn more about how to ‘stand in love’.”

Of course, there is also self-love, the Greek word is philautia. This love of self can be a negative, narcissistic variety, or a version that displays security in one’s own skin, so that, as Aristotle described it, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.” It enhances our own ability to love.

And then the final type of love, agape or selfless love, which is given to strangers as well as loved ones. It has been variously described as universal loving-kindness in Buddhism, or having the meaning ‘charity’ in Latin. It is the highest form of Christian love, called ‘gift love’ by C.S. Lewis.

(http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness/the-ancient-greeks-6-words-for-love-and-why-knowing-them-can-change-your-life)

Thinking about these different types of love, we might realize that there is much more love in our lives than we would at first have thought, a consoling thought hopefully. And we might also realize that one person cannot personify all the possible varieties of love, unlike the saccharine sweet romantic ideal of our Valentine; what a burden to place on someone we love, when we expect them to provide all the varieties of love that we need in our lives.

Knowing about these types of love also helps us to think about the natural way our relationships can change, mature, and deepen over time.

And I’d like to go back to agape love, because when we experience agape love, and we join together with such powerful loving energies, we are capable of using that force for good. As Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote, “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” (http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/2102-love-does-not-consist-of-gazing-at-each-other-but)

And so, we could say that life is a balancing act, and that the more we integrate the six different types of love within our lives, the more whole and healthy we will be emotionally and spiritually. As our reading from Muhyiddin ibn Arabi says, “My heart has become able 
To take on all forms.”

Maybe having all those forms of love in our lives makes love ordinary, in the sense of being commonplace…not that we should take love for granted, but that love is a normal state of being, a normal part of being human. Ordinary love – when U2 sing about it, I think the meaning is pretty clear. "We can't fall any further if we can't feel ordinary love. And we can't reach any higher, If we can't deal with ordinary love.” Think about the two extremes of love – self-love, love that is only concerned with ourselves; “We can't fall any further if we can't feel ordinary love.” If we can’t get beyond self-love, how can we truly fall deeper into love with anyone else? “We can't reach any higher, If we can't deal with ordinary love”: and if we don’t love ourselves, we can’t then open ourselves up to loving others, or to use the transforming power of love for others.

"Ordinary Love" was a song written to honor Nelson Mandela and it’s included in the biography film Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom. After decades in prison, being freed and elected as the president, Mandela wanted to rebuild South Africa, but this couldn’t be possible if all the people of South Africa remained angry and full of hate.

(http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/u2-inspired-by-mandela-on-ordinary-love-20131121#ixzz2swQST500)

So love is vital when it comes to transforming the world. But we know that when we open ourselves to love – loving ourselves, loving another, or loving the world – we pay a price in being vulnerable.

Both daring to love, and receiving love, bring us to a place of vulnerability. That is why it is so difficult to open up to love. But that is also why we come here – because it is a safe place, because here we try to model what it means to love and accept one another and to encourage spiritual growth.

Lisa Friedman writes about how the Standing on the Side of Love campaign began:

It “was born out of the tragic shootings in our sister congregation, the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church (TVUUC) in Knoxville, TN. On July 27, 2008, Jim David Adkisson walked into the church’s sanctuary during the performance of a children’s musical and began firing a shotgun, killing two and injuring six. Among the fatalities were members of TVUUC and Westside Unitarian Universalist Church, also in Knoxville. In a letter later found by police, Adkisson said that he targeted the church because of its liberal values—including its openness to gays and lesbians. He wrote of his beliefs that ‘The UU church is the Fountainhead [sic], the veritable wellspring of anti-American organizations like Moveon.org, Code Pink, and other un-American groups.’

But after the shooting, both Knoxville congregations pledged to remain open and welcoming, and in fact chose to embrace their inclusive and loving spirit even more boldly in the days that followed, supported by their wider community and religious neighbors. In doing so, they also drew on their Unitarian Universalist heritage, which [like Nelson Mandela,] consistently urges us to choose love over hate and fear.

This was the profound and radical insight of our Universalist forbears – that if Love comes from God, then there can be no exceptions. Love cannot be just for one, or some of us. If it is for any of us, it must be for all. Love cannot be just for those with loud voices, but also for the voiceless. Love cannot be just for those with power, but also for those who are marginalized. Love cannot be just for those who still hope, but also for those who despair that help and hope will ever come.”

(Standing on the Side of Love by Lisa Friedman)

Since then, UUs have worn yellow t-shirts whenever they have been involved in public witness. They are the visible sign that we are standing on the side of love.

Some of you have heard me speak about the UUA General Assembly held in Phoenix three years ago, where we had a mass public witness at Sherriff Arpaio’s tent city detention center. When we arrived wearing our t-shirts, there were other protesters there, many of them relatives of those detained, almost every one Latino. They saw our t-shirts and described us as ‘the love people’ – ‘the love people are here’.

And so it is that we UUs are seen, and more importantly how we need to be seen, in a period in American history when the poor and disadvantaged are being targeted for cuts to services they desperately need, in favor of the bottom line of the almighty dollar; where working class people are ignored and ridiculed when they ask for a decent living wage and for states to allow them access to healthcare coverage that truly benefits not only them and their families, but the functioning of a fair and flourishing economy.

We need to be seen at a time when our environment is being threatened, when changes in the climate are being ignored at best and denied at worst; when our earth is being poisoned by Fukushima, our water supply is under serious threat of vanishing in some parts of this country and around the world, and our land is under threat of being ravaged by fracking and by ill-conceived and immoral projects like the XL pipeline.

Maybe people in powerful positions at all levels of government need to be challenged to show a little more love, and not just love for money or power. As Harvey Milk said, “It takes no compromising to give people their rights. It takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no survey to remove repressions.”

It simply takes love. So in case people ask us why we say we are standing on the side of love, and what possibly could mean, I commend to you the words of Julie-Ann Silberman-Bunn:

         We are standing on the side of love when we seek to house the homeless. We are standing on the side of love when we seek to feed the hungry. We are standing on the          side of love when we seek clean water for those who have none.

         We are standing on the side of love when we make health care available to those in need of preventative medicine and medicine to heal their bodies. We are standing on the          side of love when we offer education to those who have gone without knowing the joys of learning. We are standing on the side of love when we reunite families separated by war and government policies. We are standing on the side of love when we give all people the choice of marrying their partner in a civil ceremony. We are standing on the side of love when we recognize that love makes a family. We are standing on the side of love when we open our hearts to all people as they are accepting one another and encouraging each other’s spiritual growth. (Standing on the Side of Love: Re-imagining Valentines Day by Julie-Ann Silberman-Bunn)

Love is that radical. Love is that simple. Our hearts are big enough to give love and to stand on the side of love. We can stand together and say,

“I believe in the religion


Of Love


Whatever direction its caravans may take,


For love is my religion and my faith.”

May we be the ones who make it so, Blessed Be, Amen.

G. Ortiz